Maiba Lang - Some Old Friendster Blog

I am totally lazy to do that paper. This is the hard part. Can't move myself to do it because I am so demotivated and demoralized about it. It's hard to do something you are uninspired of, but you have to do it anyways for the sake of compliance. How can I motivate myself?

Now that I am giving in to the demotivated, lazy me, I am posting my old blogs from the good old friendster days...hehehehe. This is my circa early 20s age :p

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(wrote this one during the times that I was such a fan of Bob Ong. Tried the way he writes. I think this blog was somehow a hit because there had been appreciative comments on this by random friendster users. And I also found this plagiarized! could you believe that? it is nakakainis, but somehow, nakakaproud. Anyways, here it goes. A real story in my life :p

ANG ALAMAT NG BABAENG MUNTIK NG MAGING TUTUBI

(warning: contains ideas that are highly violent and inhumane)

Meron akong sadistic tendencies nung bata pa ako…sa mga insekto. Naaalala ko pa, lahat ata ng insektong napadaan sa aking mga kamay ay nakaranas ng karumal-dumal na kabanata ng kanilang maikli na ngang buhay. Sari-sari at artistic ang aking paraan ng pagtapos sa kanila.

Nariyang guluhin ko ang pila ng mga masisipag na langgam (tuwang tuwa ako pag nakita kong nataranta sila), patakan sila ng kandila at ihiwalay ang ulo sa kanilang mga katawan.

Bukod sa boring at usual na pagtapak sa katawan nila hanggang bumulwak ang lamang loob, pinagtitripan ko din ang mga ipis sa pamamagitan ng paglunod sa kanila sa isang drum ng tubig na galing sa alulod ng aming bahay. Minsan naman, tinotorture ko ang mga kahabag-habag na nilalang sa pamamagitan ng pag-ipit sa kanilang katawan sa kahit na anong mabigat na bagay (usually mga paa ng upuan o lamesa). Babalikan ko sila kinabukasan, titingnan ko kung buhay pa. Pag naman medyo busy ako, pinapainom ko na lang sila ng baygon.

Pati langaw, tinalo ko. Simple lang naman, sinusunog ko sila sa kandila.

Pero siyempre, ang pinakapaborito ko sa lahat ay tutubi. Marami den akong paraan kung pano sila pahirapan. Nariyang putulin ko ang kalahati ng kanilang pakpak, saka ko sila papaliparin. Nariyang putulin ko ang kanilang paa at kamay saka ko papaliparin. Minsan naman pinapakain ko yung maliit na tutubi sa malaki. Nililibing ko din sila ng buhay sa buhanginan tapos babalikan ko kinabukasan, titingnan ko kung buhay pa.

Papagabi na noon. Siguro mag aala sais na. Dahil adik akong manghuli ng tutubi, kahit medyo madilim na lumarga pa din ako. Meron akong nakita…dun sa talahiban. Dahan-dahan kong nilapitan. Isa…dalawa…tatlong dahan-dahang hakbang. Gahibla na lamang ang layo ng aking mga daliri para sa isang krimen bago matapos ang maghapon nang nakalipad ang maliit na nilalang. Sayang, nakawala!. Madilim na kailangan ko ng umuwi.

Nakatambay kami sa garahe ng aming bahay nang magsimulang mangati ang talukap ng kanan kong mata. Napakakati! Kinamot ko siya ng kinamot pero hindi mapawi ang kati. Maya-maya, napansin ng isa sa aming kasambahay na namamaga na ito. Namamaga, lumaki at nagpantal ang aking talukap! Para itong pinasukan ng kung anong bilog at lumubo ito ng ganon.

Tinanong nila kung anong huli kong ginawa. Sabe ko nanghuli ng tutubi sa talahiban. Mamaya ay nagspeech na ang isa pa naming kasambahay. Sinabi niya na daw sakin na wag ako pupunta ng pagabi na sa talahiban, marami daw dung lamang-lupa. At ito ang pinakamalupet…dahil daw sa dinepopulate ko na ang mga tutubi, baka daw hari o reyna (at siyempre may super powers) na ang tinangka kung hulihin kanina. At nag cast na ng spell upang parusahan ako.

 Dumating na ang aking mga magulang. Nagimbal sila sa mala-tutubi kong talukap – dadalhin na daw nila ako sa albularyo. Isang mahusay na albularyo mula sa Barangka!

First time kong dalhin sa albularyo at natakot ako. Ang persepsyon ko kasi sa mga albularyo ay nakaitim, may inverted triangle na panyong nakapalibot sa bunbunan, madaming kwintas, amoy mantika at gumagamit ng black magic! Hindi maganda ang mga naririnig ko tungkol sa kanila, baka tusukin na lang nila ako..o baka naman may sumapi sa king kung anong lamang-lupa.

Habang papunta sa barangka ay nagsimula na ding mangati ang kaliwa kong talukap. Maya-maya pa ay namaga na din ito. Doon ko napagtanto ang nangyayari sa akin. Nagiging isa na akong tutubi!

Pinapakiramdaman ko na din kung tinutubuan na ako ng pakpak. Tama, pinaparusahan na nga ako ng langit.

Nakarating na din kami sa aming paroroonan. Tumambad ang isang matandang babae sa aking harapan. Puti ang kanyang nakataling buhok na sa wari ko’y hanggang balikat, mayroon siyang kakaibang kwintas, malamlam ang kanyang mga matang matiim ang pagkakatingin sa akin at ito ang pinakamalupit - nakafloral siyang daster. Nalaman kong siya ang aking albularyo, ang aking tagapagligtas upang muling maging tao.

Pinaupo niya ako at siya naman ay umupo sa aking harapan. Sa aming gitna ay isang basong tubig, meron din siyang tangang isang itlog. Sinimulan niya na ang ritwal.

 Una tinanong nia ang aking buong pangalan. Sinagot ko, “<INSERT MY NAME> po”

Nagdasal siya sa isang wikang hindi ko mawawaan habang itinataas at ibinababa ang itlog sa aking harapan. Pagdaka’y binasag niya ang itlog at inihulog ang laman nito sa isang basong tubig. Naghalo ang malagkit sa malabnaw na likido sabay wika sa aking,

“dwende ang may kagagawan niyan,”

Buo ang aking isip na tutubi ang may sala at aking sinabing, “Hindi po ba tutubi manang?, yun po ang huli kong ginawa”

  

Muli niyang pinagmasdan ang itlog na nalubog sa tubig, “Tama ka, tutubi nga, nabato mo”

Gusto kong sabihing wala akong binabatong tutubi pero hindi na lang ako sumagot.

Muli siyang nagsambit ng kakaibang dasal, isinawsaw ang daliri sa pinaghalong itlog at tubig at saka pinahid sa namamanhid ko ng mga talukap. Kasabay nito ay ang pagbanggit ng paulit ulit ng aking pangalan.

Paggising ko kinabukasan normal na uli ako. Sinabi ng tatay ko na kung hindi daw ako napagamot, baka daw meron na akong pakpak.

 Di ko alam kung maniniwala ako sa nangyari pero para makasiguro, hindi na uli ako nanghuli ng tutubi…ever!

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(this one I wrote out out of a fad in facebook. But I also posted it in my friendster blog. This was also a hit I think :p)

MAKIUSO NA RIN TAYO: 25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

 Sunday, February 8, 2009 at 9:12pm

Rules:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25

random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25

people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I

tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go

to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in

the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the

right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

In random order they are:

1.I don’t throw up. I did it once out of food poisoning and it was a loooong time ago. I also haven’t experienced passing out. EVER. Want to experience throwing up again and passing out. I want to become a human being.

2. Like Shelah in her 25 things, whenever I hear a song I like (like those diva-ish songs of beyonce, or tina arena or aretha franklin and the like), I imagine singing it on a stage like a hot, bad-ass vocalist.

3. Contrary to the media hype and multitude of screaming fans all over the world, I am annoyed with Twilight. Sorry na!

4. Just today, I finished one song booklet of Magic Sing. ALL ALONE. That means I sang non-stop for almost 5 hours, with little breaks when the phone rings or someone buzzes the door. I didn't sing all songs though. Just the ones I like. I have a slight sore throat right now.

5. During the times when dolling up was not in my vocabulary, whenever we have a stranger knocking at our door to look for the house owner (say, someone who sells or delivers something), I am always mistaken as the housemaid. They say, “Andiyan ba ate mo?’ huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh

6. Aside from being mistaken as a housemaid, I also experienced being mistaken as a rubbershoes vendor in a tiangge. I was waiting for someone and standing casually by a tiangge rubbershoes space when somebody approached me and asked, “miss magkano to?” wwwaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!

7. When I was in kindergarten, I used to believe I have the super power of controlling minds. The super power at its peak manifested itself when one day, when my teacher was checking if we clipped our nails and hits the hands of those who didn’t, and I unfortunately forgot to clip mine, I summoned her not to check my fingernails. How? As she was about to go to my seat, I made the super power gesture, mimicking Ina Magenta of Okay Ka Fairy Ko, and voila!!!! She stepped back, went to other classmates and didn’t bother looking at my nails. Can I say amazing? :)

8. Sometime in my life, a magician invited me for an additional income. That is to be his sidekick. That is to be the sidekick lady that the magician puts in a coffin like box that he will slice into 3 pieces and then after some hocus pocus, he will revive back into a one whole, unblemished, un-chopped, human being. That is for 2 thousand bucks per gig. So much for stardom!!!! Hahahahaha. I declined, and then he said, “Ito na nga binbigyan ng pagkakakitaan ayaw pa.” Boooo!!!!

9. I am xenophobic. That is after being a target of men who ask for your number and name upfront on a busy metropolitan thoroughfare, a man who stops the car while you just want to cross the street to ask where you’re heading, a man who asks for directions but suddenly gives you a piece of paper out of nowhere, with his cellphone number written on it; and a man who asks for direction turned exhibitionist. Now, being xenophobic has its reason doesn’t it?

10. I believed I was “naengkanto” when I was a kid, when, after attempting to catch a dragonfly (which was my childhood notorious hobby), my right eyelid became very itchy and swollen. Everybody in the house believed that the dragonfly queen and king were punishing me, and I, sooner or later will have wings growing at my back. My parents brought me to a witchdoctor somewhere in Marikina, with a glass of water, raw egg and prayer in a weird language as a cure for me. The next morning, I was back to being normal. I didn't become a dragonfly….weeeee!!!! The whole story is here by the way: http://glyzkietot10.blog.friendster.com/2005/10/ang-alamat-ng-babaeng-muntik-ng-maging-tutubi/

11. I don’t have a third eye, but when I was a toddler, I remember seeing an old man with a pale complexion, with white smoke surrounding him. He seems levitating as well. I will always say it out loud like, “Ma, may tao o.” Years later my mom revealed that they actually don’t see someone whenever I say that there’s a person by the door or by the bed. Imagine the creeps I gave them.

12. I joined a volleyball team when I was in grade 4 without any idea how to play the game. In one game and I had to take the service. I threw the ball in the air, swung my arm to hit it, got surprised that my body turned around 360 degrees instead of hitting the ball, and realized I wasn’t able to hit the ball at all!! It happened twice in a row. And it happened in front of a crowd. Why not, it was school intramurals!!! LOOOOOSEEEEEER!

13. When I was really little, like 2 or 3 years old. I thought that soil is edible and actually tasted it. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you read and heard it right - SOIL. I like the taste especially after the rain.

14. I like eating papaya mixed with powdered milk. Some people are grossed out with that and I can't comprehend why. It's delicious, really. When there’s no dessert, I also like eating powdered milk. Bare. As in powder.

15. When I was in highschool, I stabbed my classmate with a pencil. He’s still alive anyways. Ang kulit kasi eh!

16. I won first place in a quiz bee in highschool :-) The subject was Technology and Home Economics. Does that indicate I'll make a good home maker?

17. I drowned while swimming in a beach when I was a kid but I didn’t panic. I thought I was actually swimming while underneath the water. It was actually a calming experience, you know, being just buoyant while the water and the wave take you wherever.

18. I am a sucker for leche flan. I can eat one lanera in minutes. I worship pili nuts coated with sugar. I can eat one bottle of pili nuts with sugar at one sitting. I also have the ability to eat cinnamon bread every freaking day.

19. During my elementary years and early high school years – at the time that school girls were drawn to sweet valley and nancy drew – I was preoccupied with tagalog romance pocketbooks. I was influenced by our househelper who never forgets to buy it every payday. We had like boxes and boxes of it. And I was sure to read one pocketbook in a week.

20. I fell in love with Vince Hizon during the Barangay Ginebra fever. I was already planning how to work in PBA when I grow up to meet and seduce him and eventually be his wife. And, I was genuinely hurt when he got married.

21. I have been into a lot of odd jobs. I worked once for a security agency. There were lots of security guards. :p

22. I can’t take a bath without a hot water. Even on weekends. Even in summer. Except if it’s scorching hot.

23. I had an imaginary elf friend in kindergarten. had an imaginary elf friend in kindergarten. I normally put my elf friend hanging between the garter of my shorts or school skirt and my tummy.. My elf friend was also invisible so I could hold it in my hands without someone noticing. And I never saw my elf friend because as I said, the elf friend was invisible. I made it all up though because it was just a crazy trend in school to have a dwende best friend. I needed to be “in.” Peer pressure, peer pressure.

24. There were a few times that I was mistaken for the girlfriend of my kuya and our bunso. And mom is always scandalized by it.

25. I was a big fan of Wowie de Guzman and Judy Ann Santos love team. I never missed a movie of them. And I collected pictures of them and put it in my wallet. I outgrew it already, so friends, love me still please?

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FIN