I am totally lazy to do that paper.
This is the hard part. Can't move myself to do it because I am so demotivated
and demoralized about it. It's hard to do something you are uninspired of, but
you have to do it anyways for the sake of compliance. How can I motivate
myself?
Now that I am giving in to the
demotivated, lazy me, I am posting my old blogs from the good old friendster
days...hehehehe. This is my circa early 20s age :p
******
(wrote this one during the times that
I was such a fan of Bob Ong. Tried the way he writes. I think this blog was
somehow a hit because there had been appreciative comments on this by random
friendster users. And I also found this plagiarized! could you believe that? it
is nakakainis, but somehow, nakakaproud. Anyways, here it goes. A real story in
my life :p
ANG ALAMAT NG BABAENG MUNTIK NG
MAGING TUTUBI
(warning:
contains ideas that are highly violent and inhumane)
Meron akong
sadistic tendencies nung bata pa ako…sa mga insekto. Naaalala ko pa, lahat ata
ng insektong napadaan sa aking mga kamay ay nakaranas ng karumal-dumal na
kabanata ng kanilang maikli na ngang buhay. Sari-sari at artistic ang aking
paraan ng pagtapos sa kanila.
Nariyang
guluhin ko ang pila ng mga masisipag na langgam (tuwang tuwa ako pag nakita
kong nataranta sila), patakan sila ng kandila at ihiwalay ang ulo sa kanilang
mga katawan.
Bukod sa
boring at usual na pagtapak sa katawan nila hanggang bumulwak ang lamang loob,
pinagtitripan ko din ang mga ipis sa pamamagitan ng paglunod sa kanila sa isang
drum ng tubig na galing sa alulod ng aming bahay. Minsan naman, tinotorture ko
ang mga kahabag-habag na nilalang sa pamamagitan ng pag-ipit sa kanilang
katawan sa kahit na anong mabigat na bagay (usually mga paa ng upuan o lamesa).
Babalikan ko sila kinabukasan, titingnan ko kung buhay pa. Pag naman medyo busy
ako, pinapainom ko na lang sila ng baygon.
Pati langaw,
tinalo ko. Simple lang naman, sinusunog ko sila sa kandila.
Pero
siyempre, ang pinakapaborito ko sa lahat ay tutubi. Marami den akong paraan
kung pano sila pahirapan. Nariyang putulin ko ang kalahati ng kanilang pakpak,
saka ko sila papaliparin. Nariyang putulin ko ang kanilang paa at kamay saka ko
papaliparin. Minsan naman pinapakain ko yung maliit na tutubi sa malaki.
Nililibing ko din sila ng buhay sa buhanginan tapos babalikan ko kinabukasan,
titingnan ko kung buhay pa.
Papagabi na
noon. Siguro mag aala sais na. Dahil adik akong manghuli ng tutubi, kahit medyo
madilim na lumarga pa din ako. Meron akong nakita…dun sa talahiban. Dahan-dahan
kong nilapitan. Isa…dalawa…tatlong dahan-dahang hakbang. Gahibla na lamang ang
layo ng aking mga daliri para sa isang krimen bago matapos ang maghapon nang
nakalipad ang maliit na nilalang. Sayang, nakawala!. Madilim na kailangan ko ng
umuwi.
Nakatambay
kami sa garahe ng aming bahay nang magsimulang mangati ang talukap ng kanan
kong mata. Napakakati! Kinamot ko siya ng kinamot pero hindi mapawi ang kati. Maya-maya,
napansin ng isa sa aming kasambahay na namamaga na ito. Namamaga, lumaki at
nagpantal ang aking talukap! Para itong pinasukan ng kung anong bilog at lumubo
ito ng ganon.
Tinanong
nila kung anong huli kong ginawa. Sabe ko nanghuli ng tutubi sa talahiban.
Mamaya ay nagspeech na ang isa pa naming kasambahay. Sinabi niya na daw sakin
na wag ako pupunta ng pagabi na sa talahiban, marami daw dung lamang-lupa. At
ito ang pinakamalupet…dahil daw sa dinepopulate ko na ang mga tutubi, baka daw
hari o reyna (at siyempre may super powers) na ang tinangka kung hulihin
kanina. At nag cast na ng spell upang parusahan ako.
Dumating na
ang aking mga magulang. Nagimbal sila sa mala-tutubi kong talukap – dadalhin na
daw nila ako sa albularyo. Isang mahusay na albularyo mula sa Barangka!
First time
kong dalhin sa albularyo at natakot ako. Ang persepsyon ko kasi sa mga
albularyo ay nakaitim, may inverted triangle na panyong nakapalibot sa
bunbunan, madaming kwintas, amoy mantika at gumagamit ng black magic! Hindi maganda
ang mga naririnig ko tungkol sa kanila, baka tusukin na lang nila ako..o baka
naman may sumapi sa king kung anong lamang-lupa.
Habang
papunta sa barangka ay nagsimula na ding mangati ang kaliwa kong talukap.
Maya-maya pa ay namaga na din ito. Doon ko napagtanto ang nangyayari sa akin.
Nagiging isa na akong tutubi!
Pinapakiramdaman
ko na din kung tinutubuan na ako ng pakpak. Tama, pinaparusahan na nga ako ng
langit.
Nakarating
na din kami sa aming paroroonan. Tumambad ang isang matandang babae sa aking
harapan. Puti ang kanyang nakataling buhok na sa wari ko’y hanggang balikat,
mayroon siyang kakaibang kwintas, malamlam ang kanyang mga matang matiim ang
pagkakatingin sa akin at ito ang pinakamalupit - nakafloral siyang daster.
Nalaman kong siya ang aking albularyo, ang aking tagapagligtas upang muling
maging tao.
Pinaupo niya
ako at siya naman ay umupo sa aking harapan. Sa aming gitna ay isang basong
tubig, meron din siyang tangang isang itlog. Sinimulan niya na ang ritwal.
Una tinanong nia ang aking buong pangalan.
Sinagot ko, “<INSERT MY NAME> po”
Nagdasal
siya sa isang wikang hindi ko mawawaan habang itinataas at ibinababa ang itlog
sa aking harapan. Pagdaka’y binasag niya ang itlog at inihulog ang laman nito
sa isang basong tubig. Naghalo ang malagkit sa malabnaw na likido sabay wika sa
aking,
“dwende ang
may kagagawan niyan,”
Buo ang
aking isip na tutubi ang may sala at aking sinabing, “Hindi po ba tutubi
manang?, yun po ang huli kong ginawa”
Muli niyang
pinagmasdan ang itlog na nalubog sa tubig, “Tama ka, tutubi nga, nabato mo”
Gusto kong
sabihing wala akong binabatong tutubi pero hindi na lang ako sumagot.
Muli siyang
nagsambit ng kakaibang dasal, isinawsaw ang daliri sa pinaghalong itlog at
tubig at saka pinahid sa namamanhid ko ng mga talukap. Kasabay nito ay ang
pagbanggit ng paulit ulit ng aking pangalan.
Paggising ko
kinabukasan normal na uli ako. Sinabi ng tatay ko na kung hindi daw ako
napagamot, baka daw meron na akong pakpak.
Di ko alam kung maniniwala ako sa nangyari
pero para makasiguro, hindi na uli ako nanghuli ng tutubi…ever!
*****
(this one I
wrote out out of a fad in facebook. But I also posted it in my friendster blog.
This was also a hit I think :p)
MAKIUSO NA
RIN TAYO: 25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME
Sunday,
February 8, 2009 at 9:12pm
Rules:
Once you've
been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25
random
things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25
people to be
tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I
tagged you,
it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go
to “notes”
under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in
the body of
the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the
right hand
corner of the app) then click publish.)
In random
order they are:
1.I don’t
throw up. I did it once out of food poisoning and it was a loooong time ago. I
also haven’t experienced passing out. EVER. Want to experience throwing up
again and passing out. I want to become a human being.
2. Like
Shelah in her 25 things, whenever I hear a song I like (like those diva-ish
songs of beyonce, or tina arena or aretha franklin and the like), I imagine
singing it on a stage like a hot, bad-ass vocalist.
3. Contrary
to the media hype and multitude of screaming fans all over the world, I am
annoyed with Twilight. Sorry na!
4. Just
today, I finished one song booklet of Magic Sing. ALL ALONE. That means I sang
non-stop for almost 5 hours, with little breaks when the phone rings or someone
buzzes the door. I didn't sing all songs though. Just the ones I like. I have
slight sore throat right now.
5. During
the times when dolling up was not in my vocabulary, whenever we have a stranger
knocking at our door to look for the house owner (say, someone who sells or
delivers something), I am always mistaken as the housemaid. They say, “Andiyan
ba ate mo?’ huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh
6. Aside
from being mistaken as a housemaid, I also experienced being mistaken as a
rubbershoes vendor in a tiangge. I was waiting for someone and standing
casually by a tiangge rubbershoes space when somebody approached me and asked,
“miss magkano to?” wwwaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!
7. When I
was in kindergarten, I used to believe I have the super power of controlling
minds. The super power at its peak manifested itself when one day, when my
teacher was checking if we clipped our nails and hits the hands of those who
didn’t, and I unfortunately forgot to clip mine, I summoned her not to check my
fingernails. How? As she was about to go to my seat, I made the super power
gesture, mimicking Ina Magenta of Okay Ka Fairy Ko, and voila!!!! She stepped
back, went to other classmates and didn’t bother looking at my nails. Can I say
amazing? :)
8. Sometime
in my life, a magician invited me for an additional income. That is to be his
sidekick. That is to be the sidekick lady that the magician puts in a coffin
like box that he will slice into 3 pieces and then after some hocus pocus, he will
revive back into a one whole, unblemished, un-chopped, human being. That is for
2 thousand bucks per gig. So much for stardom!!!! Hahahahaha. I declined, and
then he said, “Ito na nga binbigyan ng pagkakakitaan ayaw pa.” Boooo!!!!
9. I am
xenophobic. That is after being a target of men who ask for your number and
name upfront on a busy metropolitan thoroughfare, a man who stops the car while
you just want to cross the street to ask where you’re heading, a man who asks
for directions but suddenly gives you a piece of paper out of nowhere, with his
cellphone number written on it; and a man who asks for direction turned
exhibitionist. Now, being xenophobic has its reason doesn’t it?
10. I
believed I was “naengkanto” when I was a kid, when, after attempting to catch a
dragonfly (which was my childhood notorious hobby), my right eyelid became very
itchy and swollen. Everybody in the house believed that the dragonfly queen and
king were punishing me, and I, sooner or later will have wings growing at my
back. My parents brought me to a witchdoctor somewhere in Marikina, with a
glass of water, raw egg and prayer in a weird language as a cure for me. The
next morning, I was back to being normal. I didn't become a
dragonfly….weeeee!!!! The whole story is here by the way:
http://glyzkietot10.blog.friendster.com/2005/10/ang-alamat-ng-babaeng-muntik-ng-maging-tutubi/
11. I don’t
have a third eye, but when I was a toddler, I remember seeing an old man with a
pale complexion, with white smoke surrounding him. He seems levitating as well.
I will always say it out loud like,
“Ma, may tao o.” Years later my mom revealed that they actually don’t see
someone whenever I say that there’s a person by the door or by the bed. Imagine
the creeps I gave them.
12. I joined
a volleyball team when I was in grade 4 without any idea how to play the game.
In one game and I had to take the service. I threw the ball in the air, swung
my arm to hit it, got surprised that my body turned around 360 degrees instead
of hitting the ball, and realized I wasn’t able to hit the ball at all!! It
happened twice in a row. And it happened in front of a crowd. Why not, it was
school intramurals!!! LOOOOOSEEEEEER!
13. When I
was really little, like 2 or 3 years old. I thought that soil is edible and
actually tasted it. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you read and heard it right -
SOIL. I like the taste especially after the rain.
14. I like
eating papaya mixed with powdered milk. Some people are grossed out with that
and I can't comprehend
why. It's delicious, really. When there’s no dessert, I also like eating
powdered milk. Bare. As in powder.
15. When I
was in highschool, I stabbed my classmate with a pencil. He’s still alive anyways. Ang kulit kasi eh!
16. I won
first place in a quiz bee in highschool :-) The subject was Technology and Home
Economics. Does that indicate I'll make a good home maker?
17. I drowned
while swimming in a beach when I was a kid but I didn’t panic. I thought I was
actually swimming while underneath the water. It was actually a calming
experience, you know, being just buoyant while the water and the wave take you
wherever.
18. I am a
sucker for leche flan. I can eat one lanera in minutes. I worship pili nuts
coated with sugar. I can eat one bottle of pili nuts with sugar at one sitting.
I also have the ability to eat cinnamon bread every freaking
day.
19. During
my elementary years and early high school years – at the time that school girls
were drawn to sweet valley and nancy drew – I was preoccupied with tagalog
romance pocketbooks. I was influenced by our househelper who never forgets to
buy it every payday. We had like boxes and boxes of it. And I was sure to read
one pocketbook in a week.
20. I fell
in love with Vince Hizon during the Barangay Ginebra fever. I was already
planning how to work in PBA when I grow up to meet and seduce him and
eventually be his wife. And, I was genuinely hurt when he got married.
21. I have
been into a lot of odd jobs. I worked once for a security agency. There were
lots of security guards. :p
22. I can’t
take a bath without a hot water. Even in weekends. Even in summer. Except if
it’s scorching hot.
23. I had an
imaginary elf friend in kindergarten. had an imaginary elf friend in
kindergarten. I normally put my elf friend hanging between the garter of my
shorts or school skirt and my tummy.. My elf friend was also invisible so I can
hold it in my hands without someone noticing. And I never saw my elf friend
because as I said, the elf friend was invisible. I made it all up though
because it was just a crazy trend in school to have a dwende best friend. I
needed to be “in.” Peer pressure, peer pressure.
24. There
were a few times that I was mistaken as the girlfriend of my kuya and our
bunso. And mom is always scandalized by it.
25. I was a
big fan of Wowie de Guzman and Judy Ann Santos love team. I never missed a
movie of them. And I collected pictures of them and put it in my wallet. I
outgrew it already, so friends, love me still please?
****
FIN
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